If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
party gras won. party gras always wins.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
