Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
