Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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