according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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