Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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