There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
