bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
