Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
