My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
