I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
