Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were trust falling into bushes
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
