if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
