Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize