I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
