She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
