I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
