You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
