I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
