so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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