i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
