I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
