ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
