I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
