If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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