I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
