FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
