I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
