This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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