I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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