i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
