I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
