I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
