Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
