Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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