I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
