dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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