Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
