i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
