I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Someone shit on the floor
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
