Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
