a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
