I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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