An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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