Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
