I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize