God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
