Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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