my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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