I wish my penis had an off switch
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize