Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
