i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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