I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
