I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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