So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dont even know how to be here
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
