Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize