FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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