Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
