So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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