Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
