Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
