Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
