so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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