just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
