You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
