Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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