My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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