just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
