Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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