Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
