Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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