Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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