you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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