dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think i have two assholes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
