i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
