If that was your dad, he is hot
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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