Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
