I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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