my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
