walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
