At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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