Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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