Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
