From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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