Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
