By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
