After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
