3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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