Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I deserve this hangover.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
